So I was at this wedding recently. And it was all sweet seeing the bride and groom and sitting there holding hands with my husband and remembering and reminiscing. But there was also a melancholy for me, too.
I just felt like here was this one, huge day where I got to dress up in the fanciest dress I will ever wear in my life. Ever. And everyone we knew who loved us, or even liked us, or even just KNEW us, came to help us celebrate at a really great party. And they gave us presents. And I was the star of the day. And we were just standing on the cusp of something really wonderful and great. The path was wide open before us--full of the thrill of the unknown.
And now here we are. I never have the chance to even dress up at all, let alone in the fanciest dress of my life, which I could never even fit one thigh into now, by the way. I'm just doing great if I remember to brush my hair and my teeth in the same day. And we don't keep in touch with most of the people who knew us then, and only a few of the people of who liked us and loved us. And we never have a clean enough house to have people come over for any sort of party and we don't really have very many friends--certainly we aren't getting invited to any kind of parties. And nobody gives us presents just for being us and having a life together. And we're no longer on the cusp of something great. We're just in the thick of things. It's usually an uphill climb and it's almost always something we're doing alone, just the two of us, with no one really cheering us on or rooting for us.
And frankly, I kind of miss the way it was on our wedding day. Is it vain to want to have just one more big day like that in my life? A day where I get to dress up to the nines and everybody can make a big deal over me and tell us how great we are? And there can be fun, yummy food I don't have to make and a pretty cake and music and dancing and presents. And a professional photographer to document me looking so good?
17 July 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
yah, it's called your 50th wedding anniversary party.
That is so not what I'm talking about.
I feel the same way. I'm sitting here trying to think my thoughts and they won't come to me in good wording. We are lucky to remember to do anything for the yearly anniversary. We never get 2 minutes alone because some kid is always underfoot. No one fusses over me, tells me I'm beautiful (but I'm not anymore either) or makes a cake for me in my honor. Yeah, it would be so nice to wear something prettier than a skirt and nice t-shirt, but that's my best outfit. I guess that will never come again. Sigh.
Okay, so this is what attracts me about some families - they create huge events just for the fun of having an event. They get dressed up, have good food, good entertainment. Events are, in my opinion, great. I love something big to look forward to!
So, I have this little ambition for my family to be an event kind of family. To host things that people look forward to and get dressed up for and have high expectations of.
Just for fun.
But, about weddings, I do wish I could do it over again, just to enjoy certain parts more. But I never felt all blissed out like so many people describe. That just wasn't the way it was. I loved it, it wasn't a bad day, don't get me wrong, but no, no feelings of being queen of the world.
We were so not an event family! Every day was sufficient unto the day... no energy, basically, for moving outside the routine.
But if I had it to do over, I would promote events (presuming that somehow I would gather the wherewithal from someplace I didn't know about a generation ago).
And HEY, I still can! I think I can... And maybe I will!
But the reality is, whether I will or I won't get it together to embrace and instigate events, we all have to make our own big deals and events if they're to be, because we all are at the top of our heaps and there's no one no one no one up there who will do it for us or for that matter owes it to us.
Another word for events is celebrations. We are not from celebrating stock, that much is true. But one generation can change that, and now that I'm thinking about it, I think I want to join Little Mama and start celebrating!
We did our wedding because it was something we were supposed to do. The man I married and I didn't care at all, we just wanted to be married! But we did it and it's a memory rich in detail that is unique to us.
But it was also the starting point of our taking over as the party-givers and event-celebrators. And for a while we did ok, really, but then life took over and we pooped out.
Good thing Nana insisted on making a cake for every birthday, while she was with us!
Looking back, I'm a little sad. I remember years when my birthday went slipping by, and I let other birthdays slip by too.
But I also remember the extra efforts we've made to be there, wherever, to celebrate. And those are the best memories!
Bottom line: Celebrating is about celebrating WITH. We don't have mommies and daddies who will do it for us, so we make our own.
Hmm, our anniversary is coming up. I think I'll make it a humdinger! It's our 45th, and how many people can say that!?!?!!!! Time to start planning...
I believe very much in ceremony, ritual, celebration, parties, activities and events. They take energy and commitment, I admit, and I don't do great with them. But I believe in them and think that de-ritualizing life is wrong. Everyone ought to celebrate the good things in life frequently. So think I.
The Hubba
Post a Comment